The Secret Journal of Gilderoy Lockhart
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orginally posted at Bri's LJ
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Day One
Dear Lord, I’m fabulous.
Day Two
Yes, I am still fabulous. I’m fab. I’m the fabbiest fab who ever fabbed fab. Indeed.
Day Four
I’m also broke. Flagrant self-advertising would pay off better if it were not for horrid addiction to Herbal Essences. Damn that tempting raspberry scent. Damn it all to hell! As such, have taken job at Hogwarts as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher. Expect to be a smashing success because unlike some professors, I moisturize!
Day Six
Decided to do some more flagrant self-advertising. Had thunder stolen a bit and was most pissed about it. First, dirty little famous boy who most definitely does not shampoo showed up, but worked that to my advantage. Unfortunately, was upstaged by overly fabulous Pimp Daddy of the Wizarding World. Watched him nearly start up a fight with a rather handsome bloke with one of the best hats I’ve ever seen.
Day Seven
Was wrong. Dumbledore definitely has the better hat.
Day Eight
Am still fabulous.
Day Nine
Taught first class today and had it confirmed that world agrees I’m fabulous, or at least the under aged female portion of the world. Thought perhaps it would be a good idea to teach class how to stop pixies and steal their surga, I mean, sugar. Unfortunately, forgot to sedate them as my vodka has gone missing. Thankfully, dirty little boy’s overly clever friend knows her stuff. Will not advertise that 12 year olds know more than I do.
Day Ten
Caretakers cat was petrified. Blame self for the whole thing. Poor beast was obviously not prepared for my fabulousness and was probably stunned. Should perhaps shampoo less… No. Then again... No.
Day Eleven
Have been invited to Taco Night. Am most pleased. Very exclusive. I got my little invitation right here. The handwriting’s a bit poor. It almost looks like it says to the Biggest Fop Who Ever Fopped the Fop… Am sure writer meant fabulous, as am totally not a fop.
Day Twelve
Evidently, Son of Pimp Daddy has a language problem. Expect he will get bitch slapped if he keeps this up. Within a year.
Day Thirteen
Quidditch was a disaster. Apparently none of the players can hold onto their brooms. I think I know why young Malfoy had a tough time keeping his grip. There’s something about Draco and I’d rather not think on what. Potter had a rough time of it, too. Tried to help him out. Should have remembered not to do magic after a margarita. Goes straight to my well shampooed head. Speaking of heads, noticed Malfoy was wearing a rather nice hat. Dumbledore’s is still better.
Day Fourteen
Dueling club was strange. Got to show off my great swishy robe. I swished like I never swished before. Wanted to wear my pink robes, but they seemed to have been cut for no reason. Was not happy to get knocked on ass by Snape. Suspect it was a bad idea to, em, borrow his tequila as still can’t find my vodka. Was doing well all the same until dirty little boy upstaged me with his stupid snake trick.
Day Fifteen
Darth Haldir got all huffy about the inferiority of his hat and got Dumbledore suspended. Who does he think he is, the blasted fashion police?
Day Sixteen
Now Taco Night has been canceled because some stupid little red headed git ended up being taken to secret lair of some kind. Am being pushed around now by know it all second years. Will definitely not advertise this. Hope dirty little boy doesn't drop wand or anything of the like. This whole year has been sorry. I’d like to forget it all happened.
Day Seventeen
Crap.
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