The Secret Journal of Tom Riddle
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orginally posted at Bri's LJ
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Day One
Am bored. Have decided to keep a journal of journal self. Am well aware of the redundancy.
Day Two
Still bored.
Day Three
Am so horribly bloody bored. After 50 years, have had nothing to do other than to stare at the contents of actual self's followers closet. Does have a nice set of hats. Still, would have been nice if actual self had maybe also put in the memory of a deck of cards. So bored.
Day Four
Have been given to shrill, annoying little git in an overly complex plan to commit indirect mass murder. As appealing as genocide is, unfortunately now have to put up with the ramblings of annoying 11 year old. Why couldn't actual self include the memory of a good bottle of vodka? Would make this a hell of a lot easier to deal with.
Day Five
Am quite pissy. Am so bloody sick of hearing little Ginny go off about how brave Harry Potter is. Potter this, Potter that. Potter, Potter, Potter. Am quite a bit tired of this Gilderoy fellow. Sounds a lot like the foppiest foppy fop who ever fopped the fop. Would kill for a stiff drink about now.
Day Six
Was cool today. Possessed annoying git. Petrified cat. Oh yes, am totally the Proto Arch Fecking Enemy of the Goody Goodies. I so rule.
Day Seven
Oh good grief. Had to spend entire day listening to Ginny whine not so much about the memory loss but about the poor kitty. Would have to end up in the possession of a cat person. Hate cats. Make me sneeze.
Day Eight
Had orange juice spilled all over me by some twit from Hufflepuff. Will totally spread the misery. In other news, heard the Great Fop was knocked flat on his ass. Am quite amused and sorry did not actually see it. Damned infernal diary, keeping me from wreaking havoc in the first person. Will have to speed up the whole soul sucking thing. I'm missing too much fun.
Day Nine
Totally petrified stupid Hufflepuff kid. Stain me with OJ, will you! Why anyone would drink that stuff straight, I'll never know.
Day Ten
Petrifying people is getting so incredibly boring. Told Basilisk it needs a new approach, that sneaking up on people isn't doing a thing for the ridiculously complex plan to commit mass murder. Was about to suggest hiding in a book depository with a rifle, but as Basilisk is without hands this would not work. Damn. This is all so frustrating. Need vodka. Need it bad.
Day Eleven
Am so bloody sick of Hermione Granger and her ridiculously easy to misspell name. Why the hell she is even in Gryffindor is beyond me. Little brainy git should be in Ravenclaw. Come to think of it, she's a little too smart. Suspect she may be on to me. Need to stop cackling and rubbing hands together in a fiendish fashion while possessing Ginny in the common room. Think perhaps it gives me away.
Day Twelve
Score! Two Mudbloods for one! And for my next trick, will totally set up the lamest red herring ever.
Day Thirteen
Potter such a total dumbass. I can't believe he fell for the whole Hagrid thing. Next thing you know he'll be wandering off in the woods on some halfcocked plan to solve the mystery.
Day Fourteen
And apparently he has. Ron apparently had taken to walking backwards with a can of Raid in hand. Decided Ginny has some weird, weird family members.
Day Fifteen
Am so tired of hearing about Taco Night. Will ensure Ginny misses the chance to sneak in. Will hopefully ruin it for everyone else, too. Hate tacos. While I'm at it, I think I will have a drawn out confrontation with Potter to find out how he laid the smackdown on future self as am a bit concerned as how I could be defeated by an infant. This couldn't have gone over well at the Badass Union.
Day Sixteen
Blew it. Potter dropped wand right in the middle of the fecking Chamber and I didn't use it on him. Had it coming. I should be slapped. So let's see, adult self got ass whipped by a toddler. 16 year old memory - ass whipped by a twelve year old and an exploding canary. This cannot be good for recruitment. Would spread the misery, but am sort of nonexistant now. Bugger.
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