The Secret Journal of Hermione Granger
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orginally posted at Bri's LJ
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Day One
School starting soon. Am anxious to get out of house. Am getting tired of mother fussing with hair. Nothing will ever fix it. Maybe hair gel, but no. Am creeped out by the stuff since I stayed up late watching HBO one night. Will live with bushy hair.
Day Two
Rode train to Hogwarts. Longbottom got on my nerves. Kept shoving stupid toad in my face. Swiped Trevor and hid it in Draco’s pants. Stupid git never noticed. In fact, think he may have liked it… Ew. To shake off suspicions, made big show over looking for Trevor. Met foxy red head and Harry Potter. Had an awful lot of snack food. Do not want to know why they had such a big case of the munchies.
Day Three
Hogwarts kind of okay. Got sorted into Gryffindor for some reason. Should have been in Ravenclaw. Am the book chick. Is no better book chick than me, dammit. Feast kicked ass though. Plenty of Buffalo wings, but no tacos. Was very disappointed about the tacos. Wanted tacos.
Day Four
Was invited to secret student movie night. Snuck into teacher’s lounge. Watched some Ben Stiller flick with kid with bad teeth, an assortment of red haired Weasely kids, that Wood guy, and overly grouchy over exfoliated Potions teacher. Offered me a taco if I would shrink Quirrell’s underwear so it wouldn’t be traced. Pointed out someone already had. Was confused. Teachers here are an odd lot.
Day Five
Had Potions today. Man, I thought I had hair problems. Professor Snape looks like the Exxon Valdez crashed into his head. Then there’s that Malfoy boy. There’s something about Draco, and I really don’t want to know what it is. But I can guess.
Day Six
Lousy day. Stupid Longbottom figured out I was the one who hid stupid Trevor. He put Trevor down the back of shirt. He couldn’t just let it go…nooooo…. Will swipe the underwear-shrinking spell Snape told me about. Will spread the misery!
Day Seven
Perhaps should have not shrunk Neville’s underwear while he was in mid flight.
Day Eight
Was almost eaten by three-headed dog last night. Karmic cycle cause I almost killed Neville? Will compensate by doing world a favor. Will shrink Draco’s underwear.
later
Wouldn’t you know, Draco doesn’t wear underwear. Yes, I really don’t want to know what the something about Draco is. Really, really, don’t.
Day Nine
Very odd day. Stupid Ron got all moody when I got the floaty thingie right. Stupid ass Longbottom claims I was in the bathroom all day crying. Was not. Was trying to figure out how to control hair without resorting to drastic matters. Was interrupted by Troll. Troll was not helpful with hair dilemma. Was rescued by Potter kid. Potter even less helpful.
Day Ten
Had to save Potter’s life today. Snape cursed his broom apparently. Perhaps Harry should not have made fun of his hair. Set robe on fire. I rock.
Day Eleven
Confiscated secret teacher memo in hunt for info on Flamel. Apparently tonight is Teacher Taco Night. Want taco. Will not miss Taco Night.
Day Eleven
Talked Ron and Harry into sneaking into Teacher Taco Night. Am more convinced than ever a very strange lot surrounds us. McGonagall apparently a lush. Kept hanging all over poor Quirrell. Was amused to see Dumbledore swallow all the salsa in ten seconds flat, though Snape was awfully pissed off about it. Kept sulking in the corner under his sombrero with the tequila. Draco apparently snuck into Taco Night, too. Hope did not take taco from same plate as him!
Day Twelve
Snuck out with Harry and Ron again to see Hagrid. Was terribly disappointed that giant egg was not for frittatas but to hatch baby dragon. Was not amused when Draco was watching us. Really do not want to know why he really was hanging out in the back bushes to peep through window.
Day Thirteen
For detention was forced to go into Forbidden Forest to find unicorn killer and Madame Hooch’s contact lens. How it ended up here, I don’t want to know. Found lens before overly creepy hooded type tried to kill Harry. Hooded fellow was frightening, I don’t doubt, but did Draco have scream like such a little bitch?
Day Fourteen
Wouldn’t you know, overly creepy hooded fellow was Voldemort. Harry and Ron want to go after the Stone to keep Greasy Head from getting giant tic tac to That One Guy. Sounds like a really stupid plan, but okay!
Day Fifteen
Was almost killed a lot today. First, was almost eaten again my the mutant marmaduke. Then was almost choked by enormous weeds. Honestly, what are they paying Filch for? Certainly not to use the damn weed killer. Saved Ron’s cute ass. I did not say that. Then was nearly impaled by self-activating darts. Then had to play giant evil game of chess. Weirdest basement ever.
Oh yeah, Quirrell apparently had the back of his head possessed by Voldemort. That would explain why shot glasses kept falling out of the back of his head during Taco Night. He tried to kill Harry again then turned to stone. I knew alcohol dried a person out, but damn!
Day Sixteen
Going home soon. Before I go, will fill Draco’s suitcase with wet wipes. Wonder if perhaps he will get the hint. Will also shrink the underwear of Longbottom one more time. Oh yeah, I rock!
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