The Secret Journal of Draco Malfoy
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orginally posted at Bri's LJ
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Day One
School is starting up soon. Am not looking forward to it. Hair has been looking terrible as of late. Cannot possibly be a snooty bad ass without kick ass hair. Want to have flowing locks like Dad one day although think that he looks like an evil version of Haldir. Will not say it to his face as I wish to live. Will go raid mother's beauty supplies. Sometimes I think she is the one single handedly keeping Herbal Essences in business.
Day Two
Fear I may have overdone it on the hair gel. Perhaps no one will notice.
Day Three
Dad kept looking at me funny after watching HBO. He kept asking me just what in the hell kind of sick twisted person would do what I did. Fear he may have found out about me, Crabbe, and Goyle filling his car with orange tic tacs. Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time!
Day Four
Am being sent to Hogwarts and not Durmstrang. Am not sure if have been found out about the tic tacs or no. Mother caught me stealing her hair gel. She was pissed but relieved. Go figure. Have been forbidden to take any of her products along. Dad says her brand is too girly for a Malfoy man. Did not feel like pointing out he has the girliest hair in the house. Again, wish to live so... will have to improvise.
Day Seven
Arrived at Hogwarts. Met overly snooty Potter fellow. Was nice, offered to be all social and to show him around away from weasley Weasely type. He seemed into it up until the point when I offered my hand in friendship. He got all disgusted and said something stupid about the wrong sort. What the hell was his problem?
Day Eight
Was sorted into Slytherin. Rock. Head of House very cool though a little pasty. Let us stay up late and watch movies. Flint kept insisting I watch some Ben Stiller flick with them. Passed to fix hair.
Day Nine
Why does everyone keep looking at me funny? It's not like I over exfoliated or anything.
Day Ten
Tried to figure out why Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher kept talking in a squeaky voice. Wonder if perhaps he made fun of Snape's hair. Looks like he left a wash out conditioner in his hair. I swear, some people have no idea what style is. Had an odd moment with the fellow. Kept throwing his voice to the back of his head asking me if my parents had any idea of what I was doing. Feared for a moment had been found out about watching the 6th years shower until he promised not to tell if I would get a straw and a daquiri and place it in his turban. Very odd fellow. Really don't want to know.
Day Eleven
Stupid Longbottom standing on last nerve. Tried to be nice at lunch and offered him one of the candies mother sent me. He got all stupid when I held it out. Just kept staring at my hand. I swear, the people here are all nuts. Am only normal person here. Am bitter now. Well, if that's what being nice gets you, forget it!Will stop being nice. Nice sucks. Nice is…not nice. Will spread the misery!
Day Twelve
Really annoying day. Tried to steal Longbottom's Remembrall but Potter got all heroic. Thinks he's such hot shit cause he has a cool scar, great smelling hair, sweet... where was I going with this? Oh yeah, hate Potter! Yes, hate him lots! Little git should have gotten in trouble, but noooo... Will shrink his underwear!
later
Could not find time to steal Snape's underwear shrinking spell. Place was a horrible mess. The man is the most disorganized person alive. Post it notes about some Mexican themed get together and shot glasses all over the place. Will sneak in. Will not miss Taco Night.
Day Thirteen
Teachers here very strange. Snuck in Taco Night. Could hear giggles and am sure was not the only one. Was very amused to see Snape sitting in the corner with a sombrero and a shot of tequila sulking after Dumbledore grabbed the last of the salsa. Was even more amused to see stupid McGonagal sloshed and hanging on Quirrell. Why were there so many shot glasses in and falling out of his turban. Truly, don't want to know. Really. Was most amused to see Flitwick levitating pinata and repeatedly bopping Hagrid on the head with it. Perhaps short little toad not so bad after all. Snatched a taco. For some reason, found plate later in trash. Very confused.
Day Fifteen
Entire faculty staff hungover, even Filch. Perhaps that is how big troll got into school. And of course stuck up Potter saved the day when he should have had his underwear shrunk to Barbie size. I swear, I am more and more sure every day I am surrounded by fricken idiots. According to Goyle, I screamed like a girl. In order to spread the misery, have filled his shampoo with hair gel.
Quidditch game tomorrow. Think concept of someone my age participating in high-speed dangerous sport is ridiculous. That sort of thing is just never done. Not even in a galaxy far...Oh...
Have bet Crabbe a box of Tic Tacs Harry falls off his broom in the first quarter.
Day Sixteen
Very pissed today. Almost won bet, but of course prissy, stuck up, suave... where was I going with this? Oh yeah, dumbass Potter came out on top. Hmmph. Didn't really lose bet. Crabbe's got such awful breath, he needed the Tic Tacs. So there.
Day Seventeen
Went to confront Potter about why he refused to shake my hand and if he's the one who keeps slipping disinfectant wipes in my in box. Found him sneaking out to have late night burritos with annoying red head and equally annoying overly smart female friend at giant's house. Ratted out idiot people, ended up getting detention. Plus, for some reason, McGonagal insisted I wash my hands over and over. Wonder if perhaps she's been at it again with the Taco Night related fesitivities. Quirrell has been walking funny for some reason. Really, don't want to know.
Day Eighteen.
Was forced to look in the Forest for dangerous creature. Am more convinced then ever, this school is run by crazy people. Was chased by unnecessarily creepy hooded creature. Later, Potter would tell me I screamed like a girl. That's it. Will make stupid git's life miserable from this point on. Will forever by annoying antagonist type character. First, must purchase more hair gel. Can never have too much hair gel.
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