The Secret Journal of Oliver Wood
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orginally posted at Bri's LJ
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Day One
School started up again. Am looking very forward to first Quidditch game. Believe I have perfected my snarky 'oh well, I blocked your score' smile. Look very forward to sticking it to Slytherin on account of I rock.
Day Two
Some of the first years are just a little odd. There's this one girl who keeps muttering about being 'the book chick', another Weasley who keeps muttering about colors, and that Potter kid. But what really gets me is that Malfoy kid. I mean, do his parents know just how much hair gel is on his head? Looks like the Exxon Valdez impacted on the blonde’s head. I mean, really!
Day Three
Decided to have a secret student movie night. Invited bunch of people. All of the Weasleys, the book chick, Marcus Flint and some other people. Watched Cameron Diaz flick. Snape caught us in the lounge, but didn't seem to care. I think perhaps it was tequila related. Kept offering us tacos to shrink Quirrell's underwear for him.
Day Four
Oh yeah, it defintely was tequila related. Snape bigger arse than usual today. Think perhaps he may have over exfoliated on top of being hungover. Kept muttering about swishing. Think he needs professional help.
In other news, took more notice of Malfoy and his hair. After movie, wonder if that really is hair gel. There's something about Draco. Don't want to know. Really, really, don't want to know.
Day Six
Last night, me, George, and Fred snuck into the Slytherin dorms. Filled Marcus Flint's underwear drawer with tic tacs. Fred thought salsa might get a better reaction, but I said maybe he'll get the hint with the tic tacs. Has breath issues. Has many issues. Cripes, everyone here has issues, I think. Except for me. I rock.
Day Seven
Wonder if perhaps Snape finally got someone to shrink Quirrell's underwear. Has been talking in a high pitched voice all day. Wait, he always speaks in a high pitched voice. I really don't want to put one and one together here. I really don't. Also, could see a number of shot glasses inside turban. Where do they find these people?
Day Eight
Think perhaps Flint suspects me. Chucked a box of tic tacs at my head in the hall. Bad teeth boy can't take a joke.
Day Nine
Teacher Taco Night coming up. They think it's such a big secret, but everyone bloody knows about it. Five year olds are more subtle and better at keeping secrets then the staff here.
Day Ten
Am more and more convinced am being taught by the biggest twits in all of the wizarding world. But was highly amused. Peeped in through window and could see McGonagall sloshed and hanging over Quirrell who couldn't seem to get drunk fast enough. Dumbledore kept eating all the salsa and blasting anyone who would try to snatch a bit. Snape sat in a corner drinking more and more tequila until he himself got completely wasted. Kept saying SWISH and flick. SWISH SWISH SWISH until he fell face down into the nachos. Don't think Madame Hooch was amused to be covered in cheese.
Day Eleven
Wonder if perhaps McGonagall was still a bit tipsy today. Brought me Potter kid and said she found me a new Seeker. Am not keen on the concept of an 11 year old participating in a high speed dangerous sport. That sort of thing is just never done. Not even in a galaxy far...Oh...
Day Twelve
Explained Quidditch to Potter. Seems a nice of enough lad. Catches on quick. Is a nice change from having to put up with Fred and George all day. All those two ever want to do is come up with new ways to piss off Flint. I'm all for it, but just once, would like to win a game without him getting enraged enough to kick the snot out of us all mid game. Think the time George hung his underwear from the hoops may have pushed him too far.
Day Fourteen
Troll got into dorm. I suppose that's what happens when you leave tacos out in the open and the door unlocked. Either someone was really clever to cause a ruckus. Or incredibly dumb. My money is on the latter. We are surrounded by a very strange lot here.
Day Fifteen
We won Quidditch game. We rock. Got to do my 'oh well, I blocked your score' smile. Really got to stupid ass Flint then, but didn't push him. Think perhaps Fred and George might have gone overboard to get him to that point. Kept flying up behind him and giving him wedgies all through the first half. I laughed and next thing I know I'm on the ground courtest of fricken Flint. Will get him back good. Will spread the misery. Heard Potter won the game. Swallowed the bloody ball. Good for him.
Day Sixteen
Have spread misery. At first was going to shrink Flint's underwear, but got better idea. Froze Flint's underwear. While he was on a date. Oh yeah... I rock. I so totally rock.
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