Mace Windu's Journal
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orginally posted at Bridget's LJ
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Day One
I made up a song in the shower.
Who's that Jedi master that's a sex machine to all the chicks?
Me!
You're damn right.
Yoda heard me and couldn’t stop laughing and pointed out that Binks gets some more than I do.
Stupid little green booger man.
Day Two
Yoda lost his cane and is convinced someone stole it. I’ll put 50 credits on the table that says he left it at the donut shop again.
Day Three
I get that Kenobi is trying to be more manly for the ladies with the beard, but the only thing he is catching with that thing is his breakfast.
Day Four
Guess who had another assassination attempt made on her? Yup, the little Naboo hottie. Why people keep trying to kill her, I can’t figure out. Maybe it has something to do with letting the Gungans into the Senate. The translators still can't figure out a thing Nass said on his last visit.
Day Five
Yoda got all huffy after the meeting we had with the Chancellor. He must have been jealous of his new swivel chair as he went straight home to play with his floating chair and went on got stuck. He wouldn’t have this problem if he wouldn’t eat so many donuts.
Day Six
Sent Beard Boy’s apprentice to Naboo with Senator Hottie. Kenobi told me I was only furthering a situation that was already getting uncontrollable. I told him he’s just jealous cause his apprentice is more of a chick magnet than he is.
later
Okay, who’s the little twit who stole my lightsaber?
Day Seven
What the hell was my lightsaber doing in the toilet? Come on!
On a business note, sent Kenobi to Kamino. I wanted him to go find better darts for the Jedi game hall, but Yoda went on about finding the assassin assassinator… Wow, that’s redundant.
Day Eight
I need to get out more. Kenobi, even with the messed up beard was starting to look good in that hologram. I need to get laid.
Day Nine
Yoda is now bitching about how we could have missed the creation of a clone army, supposedly on the order of a dead one of our own. I told him we probably would have caught it if he didn’t make me watch All My Jawas with his every friggen day!
later
Okay, who’s the bitch that short-sheeted my bed?
Day Ten
Kenobi didn’t find out where the neat darts came from and instead is now pursuing bounty hunter for taking a shot at him. I told him he should be happy until he explained it wasn’t that kind of shot. Figures. Then he went on got himself captured. Great. On the plus side, won’t be forced to watch All My Jawas with Yoda.
Day Eleven
Now Kenobi’s apprentice is missing along with my special ‘Love Mix’ music collection. Am getting close to having had it…
Day Twelve
Have roused Jedi and am off to kick the crap out of separatists. Someone get my lightsaber. It’s the one with ‘Bad Motherfucker’ on it.
Day Thirteen
Gee, what a surprise! Yoda’s former apprentice has turned to the dark side. Instead of taking some responsibility, again, Yoda went on about how he was right and I was wrong about the ‘Sith could not have returned without us knowing it’ crap.
Have had it. Am going to open a can of whoopass on this bitch.
Day Fourteen
Dooku stole the donuts. Clearly, he has lost his mind. No one steals Yoda’s donuts.
Day Fifteen
We won! Whoo hoo! Of course, everyone’s still being a whiny bitch. Yoda is again going off on the negative and Kenobi is stewing about his apprentice going missing again. Naturally, he’s clueless as to what’s going on there. At least one of us is finally getting laid.
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