The Journal of Nute Gunray
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orginally posted at Bridget's LJ
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Day One
Have decided to run for reelection. Campaign people think it's a bad idea. Something about me trying to take over a planet and getting the outsmarted by an overly cute 14 year old ten years ago destroying my credibility.
Day 40
Election going well, even if other guy overly popular with tree hugger types.
Day 53
Election hit a snag. First I was reported as the winner, but one sector's votes were counted funny, so other guy's concession was withdrawn. Will ask brother who is governor in the area if there is anything he can do.
Day 55
Am Viceroy still! Whoo hoo!
Day 60
Republic trying to get votes recounted. Am getting close to having had it.
Day 63
At first I was afraid I was pertrified. Kept thinking I could never live without him by my side. But then I spent so many nights thinking how Sidious did me wrong and I grew strong and I learned how to get along.
And so he's back from outer space. I just turned on my holo projector to see him with that sad look upon his face. I should have changed that stupid number. I should have made the machine take a message if I'd known for just one second he'd be back to bother me. Oh now go, end the tranmission! Just turn it off now cuz he's not welcome anymore. Wasn't he the one who tried to hurt me with good-bye. He'd think I'd crumble? He'd think I'd lay down and die? Oh no! Not I! I will survive! Oh as long as I know how to intimidate I know I'll stay alive! I've got all my life to live and i've got all my droids to give! I'll survive! I will survive! Hey hey!
Day 64
Have changed my mind. Have been promised a Corsucant Creme franchise.
Day 66
Rune being a little bitch. Kept laughing at me and pointing out how I was beaten by two little kids the last time. Didn't mind that, but did he have to point out that I'm an ugly toad man when he's just as ugly? Have had it. Have sworn revenge awhile ago, but will refuse to join Seperatists until someone gives me a makeover and kills stupid Senator chick. Damn, I'm clever!
Day 68
Have heard first attempt has failed. I knew subcontracting was a bad idea, but does anyone listen to me? Nooo! I mean, assassins assassinating assassins who were assassinating a target but then failed. Wow, that's redundant.
Day 70
Second attempt has failed. Does Sidious just hire morons who don't use common sense? Wait a minute... Why was I brought in?
Day 72
Padme has fallen out of sight. I don't think she went into hiding. I mean come on, she's hanging out with a younger man and she's a politician. Yeah, and the Jedi think he's 'protecting' her. Are these people so stupid they can't really figure out what's going on?
Day 73
Disgruntled former Jedi with the stupid name keeps grumbling and muttering something about killing his parents. I think the Pretty Boy he captured made fun of his name. I would too, but am fearful of Force Wedgies. Still remember when Darth Maul kept using the Force to give me Force Wedgies for a full day when I pointed out that Jawas has called him shorty on Tatooine.
Day 74
Oh, that nice little clone boy gave me a box of donuts. What a little sweetheart!
Day 75
Have been hung from the dignatary box via Force Wedgie. Apparently donuts belonged to Count Dorku... I mean, Dooku. Have had it. Will swear revenge. Will kick little clone's ass good later.
Day 76
Ha ha, little Senator who thinks she's cuter than me and Pretty Boy Junior have been captured. Dooku is going to sell tickets to an arena execution to pay for bridge work. I personally think this is a really dumb. A blaster in a hotel off planet would be a lot smarters. Hasn't he read the list of things an evil overlord should and shouldn't do? After last time, I've memorized the damn thing.
Day 77
Got asses royally whipped by Jedi. Because he wasn't able to get his fix thanks to little clone twit's prank, Dooku went and stole little green booger man's donuts. No one takes Yoda's donuts. It's official. I am surrounded by idiots. I should have never made this bargain. Wait... Oh damn!
Day 79
Have gotten my revenge. Taped honeymoon of Stupid Senator and Pretty Boy Junior and am auctioning it off on EWOKbay. Padme seemed terrible impressed by Jedi Upstart's lightsaber.
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