Obi-Wan Kenobi's Journal
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orginally posted at Bridget's LJ
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Day One
Master Yoda has been in a foul mood all day. Claims someone stole his cane. Little green booger man probably just lost it and doesn’t want to admit it. Like how he tried to claim Jedi could not love cause he got dumped.
Day Two
Had an excellent breakfast. How I love my frosted flakes!
Day Three
People keep snickering when I walk by. Don’t know why. It’s not like I walked out of my room with no pants like I heard Dooku did once. Wonder if perhaps that is why he left Order.
Day Four
Have been asked to act as bodyguard with apprentice. People are tying to kill Padme. I can’t figure out why, seeing how she’s so cute. I tried to act all manly to impress Padme, but Anakin kept cutting me off. Was I such a little prick when I was still a padawan? Then he would stare at me. Not sure why.
Day Five
Equally hot chick tried to kill Padme today. Went through wild goose chase through Corsucant. Now remember why padawan failed drivers ed three times. After that ride, desperately needed a shot. Little dude tried to sell me death sticks. At first I though he meant… No, probably not… Then again… No. Then had to slice off hot chicks arm when she tried to yoink my shot. Tried to apologize and get her phone number before rocket man killed her. Hmmph. Will swear revenge.
Day Six
Have been sent on mission to track down the assassin of the assassin who tried assassinating Padme. Wow, that’s redundant. Anyhow, suspect Windu wanted more darts more than answer to source behind threat on Naboo hottie’s life.
Day Six
For some reason, Council is sending Anakin alone with Padme back home. Why do I get the feeling this will result in more pathetic life forms?
Day Seven
Wonder if perhaps should have just gone to AAA to get new map instead of putting up with snooty librarian and giving Yoda another chance to act like he’s such hot poodoo. For some reason, small children kept pointing and laughing at me. Kids.
Day Eight
Would have been happier if someone had told me in advance that Kamino is the surfing capital of the galaxy? I could have brought my surfboard.
Day Nine
Why is a massive clone army being raised without my knowing about it? I probably would have caught on to it if not forced to watch All My Jawas with Yoda every friggen day. And why is this army being based on the genes of a bounty hunter, albeit a buff one? I think perhaps an army based on foxy former master would have been better.
Day Ten
Talked to the origin of the clones for a bit. At first I thought he wanted snuggles since he said it was always a pleasure to meet a Jedi, but no. Maybe… No. Bounty hunter types too flighty anyways.
Day Eleven
Was it just me or was Windu looking at me with a little too much interest when I called him?
Tried to ask Jango about getting a set of clones for Luminara Unduli’s birthday party, but he got all huffy and started shooting at me. Am getting close to having had it.
Day Twelve
Got captured by jerk ugly bug people and Jango when I stopped off for gas. I wonder if perhaps I have a stalker.
Day Thirteen
Dorku… I mean Dooku tried to convince me to join him on his campaign. Promised me donuts. I would have been interested if I couldn’t stop laughing at his name. I think I might have pissed him off.
Day Fourteen
Yes, definitely pissed him off. He’s going to feed me and apprentice and apprentice’s girlfriend to big monster things. That’s it. Have had it. Will kick his ass good.
Day Fifteen
Nearly gotten eaten by the big monster things today. Speared one! Whoo hoo! According to Anakin, I had an ‘oh poodoo’ look on my face, but I think he was just trying to make himself look all manly again. Ever since Padme made out with him, he thinks he’s hot poodoo. Anyhow, it got ugly, but Windu crashed with entire Jedi Order. Count ‘I Have A Stupid Name’ threw a fit and stole Yoda’s donuts. That was a mistake. No one steals Yoda’s donuts.
Went after him and got ass royally whipped. Luckily, Yoda was on major sugar buzz and wiped the floor with his Coruscant Crème filching ass. Snatched one before he got away. Whoo hoo!
Day Sixteen
Yoda still pissed off. Told me he knew it was me who stole one of his donuts. Tried to blame it on the one armed man, but he said. ‘Liar, you are Master Kenobi. Have sprinkles in your beard you do.
Why don’t people tell me these things? If this keeps up, will move to Tatooine and become grizzled old hermit.
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