The Journal of Zam Wesell
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orginally posted at Bridget's LJ
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Day One
Am running low on funds. Knew blowing all my funds on veils was a bad idea! Should have gone with swivelly chair. Perhaps it is not too late.
Day Two
Is too late. Went back to EWOKbay to see some guy with the handle $itHbA$$ had outbid me. Must come up with serious cash fast.
Day Three
Have put out ad in HoloNet News. Hottie Assassin For Hire. Was that a bit much. Not always hot. Actually more cute, really.
Day Four
Whoo hoo! Have had response to ad. Swivelly chair will be mine!
Day Five
Very annoyed today. Annoying little green booger man kept poking me in the rear with cane. As assassinating without a clear line of escape is a poor idea, I let the little troll live. That and I remember him from last week’s Wookie Grudgematch when someone tried to steal his donuts. Get the impression no one takes his donuts. Am not in the mood to be hanging from the nearest hangar by the underwear.
Day Six
Would someone tell me how the little green booger man’s cane got on top the roof of the Senate building?
Day Seven
Have finally met new employer. I find it quite redundant that I am being hired by an assassin to do the assassinating. Perhaps there is not enough of him to go around.
Day Eight
Buff bounty hunter had agreed to officially hire me! Whoo hoo! Have been told to assassinate cute senator. Note sure why. She’s so cute. Wait, she’s too cute. She might be cuter than me. Hmmph. Will swear revenge. Will be cutest in galaxy!
Day Nine
Overly cute senator coming to Corsucant tomorrow. Better get this done right the first time. Wish to be cutest in the galaxy, but also wish not to miss Wookie Smackdown. Cannot blow it.
Day Ten
Have blown it. Mistook closet raiding senatorial wannabe for Padme. And used my good explosives, too! Am getting close to having had it.
Day Eleven
Am trailing mark. Watched meeting between mark, chancellor, and Jedi. Stupid Jedi. Think they all such hot poodoo cause they can kill stuff with shiny sticks, especially that stupid little green one. Thought chancellor had a nifty swivelly chair. Looks just like the one I was trying to bid for.
Day Twelve
Have followed mark to new quarters. Was surprised to see two Jedi there. Older one quite hot. Would give right arm for a piece of that. If only he would get the cereal out of his beard and I’d seriously consider it seeing how buff bounty hunter is being all flighty. Younger one kept asking senator if she’d like to touch his lightsaber. Could not stop laughing.
Day Thirteen
Buff bounty hunter not thrilled that I haven’t killed supposedly cute senator. Told me to do it tonight. Told him I had no intention of missing Wookie Smackdown. Then he promised me Superman style ride across town. Agreed to it because am eager anticipating feel off buff biceps. Gave me caterpillars to assassinate with. Thought high powered rife fired from the records depository more practical, but okay…
Day Fourteen
Got chased by Pretty Boy and Pretty Boy Junior. Remember what I said about giving right arm for a piece of that? Didn’t mean it! Idiot pretty boy sliced it off right when I approached him to tell him about the Frosted Flakes. They can just stay there now. Ha!
Day Fifteen.
Was killed by buff bounty hunter. Wonder if he was just jealous cause Pretty Boy paid more attention to me or cause he’s a lousy shot. Would swear revenge if not for the whole being dead thing.
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