The Journal of Shmi Skywalker
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orginally posted at Bridget's UJ
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Day One
Being a slave sucks bantha balls. Can't go where I want, have to take orders, and can't go shopping. Would kill to shop at the Republic Banana just once. I am attracting nobody with this awful brown potato bag like ensemble I got going on. The hair needs work, too.
Day Three
Caught son racing pod racers again. Told him time and again he can't do that. He told me I'm just jealous cause he's not even a teenager and he has a license. Grounded the little prick. Am getting close to having had it. Could get a license if I wanted to. I just don't feel like it is all. Really. I can drive! I'm an excellent driver!
Day Four
Took out Anakin's podracer. Accidentally wrecked it when Sand People stepped into my field of vision. I totally had the right of way! Idiot Jawa Speed Patrol went and gave me a ticket for driving without a permit. Dropped kicked them to Bespin. Feel all vidicated now.
Day Five
Watto all pissy about smashed up pod. Told son I would stop giving him bowl cuts if he would take the fall for me on this one.
Day Six
Sand people showed up again. Tried to sell me Mary Kay. Took them up on it as complexion sorely in need of a fixer upper. Perhaps Sand People not so bad after all. Got a little pissy when I tried to take an eclair that I thought was compimentary. Hmmph. Don't even like eclairs that much.
Day Eight
Very glad to to have bought the Mary Kay. Foxy aging hippie came by to get out of sand storm. Was followed by entourage of a gumball machine, pissy chick, and some sort of fish creature. Putting them aside, very glad to have company. Prospects on Tatooine very slim. Have been limited to drunks and gamblers as potential suitors. Have good feeling that things are turning around.
Day Nine
Alright, who's the jerk who swiped all my Jack Daniels? Really!
Someone ended up allowing son to race on Boonta Eve. Well, at least it will get him to do something else that devise ways to impress the pissy chick. He's being going off about that all bloody day! Aging hippie is apparently a Jedi involved in a dangerous plot by salamander people to take over a planet in some off the wall scheme. Hope he is careful as he is too foxy to die. Wonder if I can get him to show me his lightsaber. Have not seen one in a very long time...
Day Ten
Have decided pissy chick not so bad. Insisted on giving me a makeover and doing my nail. Had to sit through long winded rant about the aging hippie being a huge prick by bringing her here and how fish boy kept hitting on her and how salamander people stole her Republic Banana card. Didn't feel too terribly sympathetic as never get to go shopping, but feigned interest. Not sure if Fish Boy is so bad. Six foot tongue has its possibilities... Ew, no... then again... no.
Later, Anakin asked me if I thought if he beat up fish boy if it would impress Padme. Told him didn't know, didn't care so long as he didn't make a mess.
Day Eleven
Son somehow tricked fish boy into losing use of his six foot tongue. Damn! I mean... Ewww... I mean... oh dammit.
On another note, foxy aging hippie questioned me about who Anakin's father was. Told him it just happened. Conviently left out the part involving me at a bar and this one guy who insisted he was cool cause he was an up and coming senator who had big plans involving a swivelly chair.
Day Twelve
Little gumball machine is actually an astromech droid. This would explain why I couldn't get any gumballs, but was it really necessary to run over my foot?
Day Thirteen
Son actually won podrace. Good for him.
later
Aging hippie informs me that he had freed my son, but not me. Hmmph. All those Mary Kay purchases and the makeover for nothing. Think he has too many issues anyways. Kept calling me Valorum for some reason last night. Really don't want to know why. Still, feel used. Actually wasn't that impressed with him at all! Have had it. Will swear revenge.
Day Fourteen
Gave Qui-Gon a hug then swiped his tonic and autographed glossy of Colin Farrell. If I'm going to be stuck here by myself, I want something good to look at! If need be I will impress myself. Repeatedly.
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